So Close, So Far

My Quiet Deviants business strategy for 2020 was simple: get to as many in-person events as I could without spending an obnoxious amount of money. It sounds counterintuitive in today’s digital world, but I’ve found the connections I make in person to be more genuine than the ones I’ve made online, at least pre-COVID. I figured it’d be a good way for me to meet new people outside of my state and could help me test ideas at smaller, lower-pressure events before shooting for cities like New York.

By early February, I had 3 of the 4 Pride weekends booked, one weekend each month at a recurring local market good to go, and was going to Vegas of all places in April. I even looked at a used SUV to make it easier to pack up my car and get around. An overthinker by nature, I forced myself to cold email a few groups a week and was encouraged by the responses I received. An object in motion stays in motion, right?!

We all know what happened next. For a while, my creative energy was completely sapped, evaporated seemingly overnight as I considered how futile my work can be, in particular to anyone other than myself. I’ve tried and partly succeeded at turning it around as of late. 

This pandemic threw a wrench in my plans, but as an entrepreneur you sign up for rocky roads filled with uncertainty. Even so, the moments of encouragement are maddeningly fleeting. It feels like my own process of realizing I’m gay. For a long time, I tried to ignore it. I turned away from myself. To cope, I rejected vulnerability and thus the ability to express both joy and sadness. As I've learned about myself and worked to break that cycle, those small snatches of authenticity are the smooth patches of what can be similarly rocky, grey road.

Here’s to hoping those roads merge and lead me to the end of the rainbow.

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