Clarity in A Time of Crisis

This past week has me feeling like I’m living in the pocket of silence that inevitably follows when a DJ scratches a record--or, let's be real, hits the button that plays that effect (like this). Before the COVID self-isolation mandate, I was going about my daily life and juggling my 9-5, Quiet Deviants, and a few other personal pursuits. I was under the perception that I was busy. I often felt frustrated or stuck, constrained and unable to grow this brand. There was a constant buzz in my head full of inner commentary on random observations, notifications from my phone, car blinkers, conversations with coworkers, and weights hitting the floor at the gym. I spent a lot of time by myself but not with myself. 

Working from home coupled and literally not being able to spend time with other people has quieted most of that noise. That sense of quiet and inner focus has genuinely helped me to take a birds-eye view of what I’ve been doing to make Quiet Deviants work. That view combined with a few group Zoom calls I’ve joined (one on the topic of entrepreneurship by Queerconomy and one hosted by Cameron Esposito for her book launch) has brought to my attention one very obvious thing. 

Holy shit, I am not doing nearly enough. I am focusing way too much on what I cannot do or don't know rather than taking action towards what I can do. 

This is not me being too hard on myself or begging for sympathy in an underhanded way. It’s just a statement of fact, and one of my goals with this blog is to take you by the hand and bring you along with me as I navigate entrepreneurship. This is just part of the journey. This week I listened to stories of people who are weeks, if not days away from losing dreams they’ve been busting their ass on to make a reality for years. Voices have quivered as tears are held at bay. Anger has tumbled out in run-on sentences and rambling statements that end with an unnecessary apology. These conversations have forced me to turn a giant light on to my own personal efforts. I’ve been reinforced with the simple lesson of if I do not shout this passion that I have from the rooftops, it will not happen. 

So I’m re-committing. I’m not using this as an excuse to throw the towel in. There’s a group of people out there who see their own version of my vision and want to be there as it comes to life, and I owe it to them to show up and bring as much value as I can. 

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